A Day of Firsts (TMI to the max)

So last night I had a delightful run with Colyte in preparation for today's endoscopy and (gasp) colonoscopy. The latter being news to me upon my arrival to the hospital, I thought it was one or the other. You must take 4 powder packets of Colyte (which is basically like salt and aspartame flavor wise), on every half hour for 2 hours with 500ml of water each time. I couldn't finish the last one, and I had an... entertaining night to put it lightly. Luckily I was so exhausted that falling back asleep in bed after awaking each time was no problem.

This morning Scott (my guardian as necessary) and I headed out to the hospital. It was the first snow of the season. The Floridian that I am, I was pretty excited. Scott less impressed. Pssh. New Yorkers. I reflected on this colonary happenstance, as my first meeting with the doctor was on Thanksgiving. Ah, the colon fairies are wishing me good morrow.

Arrived at the hospital where no one in the endoscopy department spoke much English and called the helpful nurse over from the International clinic to translate the risks of the procedure to me. Let me tell you, risk of heart attack and death seems worse spoken, then the usual skimming of documents. I was going to be sedated and have a camera put down my throat, AND up my bum. A sad state of affairs to be necessary for a fairly healthy living 26 year old, but, c'est la vie.

I changed into a stiff blue gown with a hole in the bum (No no, why would I want buttons or some velcro? Leave it a gaping hole by all means!) and top gown to cover. It was a few minutes of concentrated work to get the crusty draw string to cinch around my waist. The nurse takes me into a room to put the port in a vein on the top of my right hand. I used to have a near phobic fear of needles but after acupuncture, a nose piercing, and 2 tattoo attempts, I've mostly gotten over this. Thankfully, for she failed the first time and left my hand swollen and bruised and had to put the port in my left wrist. She injected meds in me and I went back into the waiting room. I was not told what these meds were.

I began to feel tingly and dizzy, and sat down leaning my head on Scott. I knew the feeling, I was going to black out. A nurse tried to carry me back into the procedure area but I didn't quite make it. I awoke on the floor disoriented, one limb to each of the female nurses crowded around me, and a young kindly male nurse (the chosen English speaker I presumed) was asking me if I was ok. I looked around out of breath like a wild animal, thinking of the oh so many episodes of hospital shows (damn you House) where someone undergoes a routine procedure and all of a sudden they need intubation or defribulation or who knows what. But no I was fine. They lifted me onto a bed and wheeled me into a curtained off area and let me rest a little before the procedure. I lay there, calming myself and began to laugh a bit at the whole scene. Apparently I had a reaction to the meds that were to stop my bowel movements. Maybe my body knows its not supposed to be doing that.

Later I was wheeled in for the procedure and luckily was passed out for the entire ordeal. Like it didn't even happen. I got to rest again on the bed a while and feel just about as calm as can be. Mmm. Sedatives.

After that I was scheduled for a precautionary mammogram of my own accord. I several times had to explain why. "You are so young."  "Yes well, a good friend of mine got breast cancer this young and died so... I'm gunna just be safe here." Nods of understanding.

This mammogram was set for 2 weeks, I was taken to prepay for it at the front registration desk. After I had paid and returned to the mammogram center, I was informed I was 10 years too young for the procedure, young breasts are too dense. No big deal, you can get a sonogram instead, and swap the cost after. Sweet. Sonogram was fast and easy, super nice English speaking woman who said I had nothing to worry about, no lumps. All is well. (I must admit the sonogram felt pretty awesome.)

 My grand total for the day was around 450 bucks and I was shocked at the price. I got so spoiled by how cheap medical is in Korea with insurance that I forgot to factor in that I had undergone some major procedures today. But still, something didn't seem right. The mammogram that got refunded was supposed to be 30 bucks, I assumed the sonogram to be about the same. But it was a whopping 200.

I nearly began to cry. The same International Clinic nurse was helping me at that time and I went on a rant about how I felt tricked into it. They wouldn't let me have the procedure that was 30 bucks, and didn't inform me that the alternative procedure was many times that cost. That seemed unfair. I reiterated this several times. (At this point it was around 3 pm, several hours after I should have been done, I'd eaten nothing all day, and very little the previous 4 days, I was NOT in the mood to be duped). Eventually she offered to cancel it, even though it was already done. They did it with no bureaucracy, no getting of a manager. Just like that, 200 bucks erased from my bill. Free sonogram for this girl.

I left thankful and confused. The results, my insides look fine. The doc said he thinks I have a low threshold... for what I said? He said pain. I wanted to smack him. Again he told me he thinks I have IBS (as he already concluded after 5 minutes of talking to me on our first meeting). Again I think he's an idiot. I have a sonogram scheduled for them to look at my gallbladder on Tuesday (apparently no one could do it today), which is what I thought it was in the first place. But I guess at least I have piece of mind now. No cancer, no leaky gut, no ulcers. I'm sure the cleanse didn't hurt either. Though they are going to look further and talk with me more about the results in a week or so, it will probably be the same information.


Mmm. Pizza time.

Rainbow Birthday!

So I know it's been... well over a month but I'm finally getting the photos up. For those of you who don't know, I don't have internet at home any more, by choice. Attempting to be more "productive" and less overstimulated by all that is available via the internet in my bed.

August 20th Maggie and I had a joint birthday party. The theme: Rainbow! Pick one color and wear as much of it as you can.

We met in the park to do photos before going out for the night, but poor planning on my part had us there far too late in the evening. Anyway, here are the photos!

































And Hanbok Day. In celebration of the Korean fall harvest festival, Chuseok, the kids wore their traditional Hanbok to school. Pretty adorable, though I made the mistake of letting them have a dance party BEFORE trying to take a photo with them. Pretty chaotic but I love it. :D

The Long and Hard Journey...

August 13th, Scott and I set out to Samcheok, home of the infamous Penis Park (officially Haesindang Park) and the biggest cave in Korea. Coincidence? Hmmm...


A few days before my student had brought me a farm-picked cucumber and a pepper. It's like he knew...

(tidbit: the slang for penis here is "gochu" which means pepper)





Fair warning: this blog contains numerous penis photos and even more terrible puns. I hope you can leave with your delicate mind fully intact. ;)



We hopped a bus from Seoul and headed East on a 3 day weekend of beach, cave, and dong fun! The journey was meant to be 3 hours but with the holiday traffic (Korea's independence day) It ran closer to 5 or 6. We got off a stop too early but no big deal, they just threw us on the next bus 15 minutes later. All. Cool.

Waiting for the next bus:







It's around 9 when we arrive and start looking for a motel room. The Jasmine Motel has only one room and it's 80 bucks. We scoff at the price (double the normal rates) and leave, not knowing the trouble that awaits us. We check numerous motels, at each in Korean we get, "No rooms, No rooms, No rooms!" We are hopeful though and keep on trekking. They can't ALL be full we think. We walk away from the center of town towards the beach and pass a no mans land of small houses and closed shops. A mangy untethered dog guarded his territory, a gas station lot, baring his teeth and barking. This is not a usual in Korea so it was surprising. Also we notice... bugs! Bugs everywhere. In a good way. Beautiful spider webs and flying moths and butterflies, and of course the summer staple: cicadas. Cicadas are the most life you'll ever see in Seoul(or hear rather, they are mighty shy) and they only come once a year and split your ear drums with their incessant clicking. You don't see many other bugs in Seoul but I didn't realize how bad it was until I was in a place that had them. In Seoul, trucks come by spraying pesticides, which explains part of it though I'm sure there are other factors. Hurray dead streets. A Samcheok resident cicada:

In any case, after much walking we made it to the harbor and still nothing. No life save teenagers huddled, smoking outside a convenience store. We walked along the road that followed the shoreline and found a couple odd motels. No rooms. We walked up a giant hill to an actual fancy hotel, prepared to pay whatever it took to get into a room. No rooms. We took a taxi back to the heart of town and looked in vain some more. No rooms. We ate some meaty soup and then took a taxi to the town we'd originally accidentally gotten off the bus at. The fair looked like only 9 bucks, sweet, but then the taxi driver pressed a button and it leapt to 19. I argued with the driver and Scott explained it was probably a fee for crossing city lines, even though we hadn't gone far at all. I threw the money at the driver and slammed the door. Then I breathed in some new hope. No way this whole town is full too! I thought. We came to an area of 6-7 large motels. All no rooms. Even Don Quixote was full. I was wishing so badly it had a room for a nice poetic ending.

Finally I cried some tears of frustrations at our last attempt. It was 3 am. We'd be walking all that time, Scott graciously carrying my bag full of camera junk. I felt like an idiot for not taking that first room, and for underestimating the overpopulation of this place. We finally gave up and found a jimjilbang (sauna). All the sleep mats were occupied so we laid our tired selves on my towel on the matted floor of a defunct child's playroom, "relaxing" to the stereo sounds of ajushis snoring. I figured it was best we beat ourselves to exhaustion beforehand, or else we wouldn't have been able to sleep.

The next morning (Sunday) we hopped a bus back to Samcheok and booked a room at the first place we walked in to. We couldn't check in until 3 so we left our bags and headed out. On the way to the main road, I saw the motel my coworker had blogged about that we hadn't seen the night before (despite feeling like we'd checked every motel in the city we apparently missed the one we were kinda looking for). "Motel Very 6 Six". The name reminds me of when the kids here say "vvveerrry verrry yesterday" to mean "a long time ago." Like they were shooting to be a Motel 8, but they could only get out "Veeeeerrrry 6". According to my coworker's blog, it had vibrating beds and jacuzzi's in the room. Such an "Oh Dang!" moment. Our place only had a round bed, but I was glad for it.


We went to the beach a little while and just wandered the town. Not much to report from the beach. Typical overcrowded spot with giggling, fully clothed friends, throwing each other into the water.

Beach:


We happened upon this guy at the top of a big hill in front of a church. Look dad, I saw Brazil.


 View of Samcheok, a small city by Korean standards:



We arrived back at the hotel around 4 to realize the cave and the penis park both closed too soon to make it that day. We had a bit of a scare thinking we couldn't see the Penis Park at all (one site said it was closed Mondays) but we did have time for that. The Park and the Cave were each 50 minutes away in different directions so we had to make a choice for our Monday. That was an obvious one though no?

Our digs (finally):





Monday morning we started on the 50 minute bus ride to the Penis Park. We passed all kinds of nice, underpopulated beaches with beachfront motels and thought... if we only knew... sigh... We arrived and had a time of walking around the Penis Park. Of most notable hilarity (aside from the obvious) was the "fishing museum's" boat ride simulation. A laughing ajuma (older woman) and her daughter came off of it, insisting in Korean that we check it out, pointing excitedly at the entrance. Scott and I sat in as this old machine jostled us about with a projection of an ocean in front of us. Wooo hoo. I sat there wondering how much it cost them to set this thing up back in in 87 and who thought it was worth it... ah Korea.

The gist of the Penis Park legend I read mostly from other blogs:

In the  fishing village, a couple goes out to sea by boat to pick seaweed. The man leaves his maiden on a rock island to go ashore. A storm hits before he can return and she drowns at sea with him looking on. (Oh and what lovely dioramas they had of the whole scene in the museum). The fish dry up and the town is hurting. Later, a man pisses in the sea and the fish come back. They think the site of his winky appeases her and brings the fish back and viola. Penis Park.  And on with the pictures!


There is much to contemplate in such a sizable park.


The designs on these penises... it's hard to believe drugs aren't a thing here...











A snake in a bush.


This one's plastic. The Disney-like add-ons made the park really special. ;)








Scott checking out his Chinese zodiac, forever living cast in an erect penis.


LifeDong


I got nothing for this one... suggestions?







The piece de resisdong- the giant wagging phallus atop a trickling stream.


Some people like to ride this one for pictures. We took the classy rout, gawking with a pout and a smile...


He was having a hard day so....






So I decided to help him and his friend look for his lost maiden. Don't worry buddy, we'll find her.

 Inside the museum with the dioramas and thrilling simulation there were also displays of other culture's sex art. I finally got to see a vag!



And this guy... don't know what his deal is.


Walked down to the water after we had our fill. Saturation makes the beach look pretty. :)


Farmside bus stop. Waiting to head back to Samcheok. Despite how hard everything was in the beginning, I think the trip ended with a bang. ;)

Pink Hole

You see the sign and carefully enter down the steps into a basement. From a modest doorway on a small side street, you now find yourself in an immense club, one of the biggest you've ever seen. Stripes of pink neon lights line the back white wall and strobe lights blink on the dance floor. Club music is blasting from the hands of a lanky DJ with braces, bobbing her head and smoking a cigarette. The floor is wet and slippery and sweat is dripping from everyone's faces in the summer heat. Signs line the walls, "No Photos" but you wish you could capture this moment in time. There is a chaos of people, couples, singles, and who knows? dancing, drinking, flirting lounging in corner booths having chats over the din.  You look around and marvel at the sensory overload of it all before it really dawns on you, even though you already knew: They are all women.
 *~*~*~*~*~*

I went to the club Pink Hole for the first time in over a year on Saturday night. The evening started out as a meeting for the Sappho Korea group, a group of bi and lesbian women that get together from time to time. We watched a lesbian themed romcom at the organizer's art studio then played the usual drinking games. A friend of mine suggested the amazing idea of Makgeolli (Korean rice wine that is milky) and walnut ice cream. Kind of like a beer float. Mmm delicious.

After that I got to go on my first scooter ride, an item that has been on my Korea bucket list since my first year. The wind (and her hair) blew in my face as we raced our way to Pink Hole. Amazing. If I had an extended stay and the ability to cheat death,  I'd totally get one.

With my laymen statistical skills, baring no mathematical accuracy I'd say the club was 99% Korean when we arrived, and after our arrival, perhaps 96%. It always amazes me the range of people you see from super fem to androgynous and even a few masculine women. Basically, just people. That's just it. Just people of all sorts who happen to be women that like women. Just like if you had a club of straight people, they'd all be very different as well. Seems obvious to me.

Foreign disease indeed. The more people come out, the more things will change, and people will realize being gay isn't weird or scary or perverse. The ones that won't change their mind will eventually die off anyway. Progress is happening.



 Unrelated note: A few new shots with my most recent haircut!

For more information the blog Ask A Korean did a great article addressing the issue of LGBT rights and the perception of gays in Korea. Surely an interesting read!

A Seoul Day in Snarky Review

This old woman with sand bag titties walked by with a shirt that said “Glacial Greed Pussy.” This is the kind of shit you see from time to time in a country where people put foreign words to print and then spread those words out into the wide world without bothering to check with an English speaker. Or maybe they know exactly what they are doing and they got that old lady good. I’d really like to start manufacturing shirts of my own here. Ones that say things like “I have no idea what my shirt says.” and “I’m wearing this cus Engrish is kitcheny,” or “If you speak English, point to my left tit and laugh wildly until I look at you.” Or maybe make shirts with Korean curse words for myself and then look at people blankly when they get offended and scream Korean at me, pointing to my shirt. Then I can give a look of recognition, flash a smile and say, "Kamsahamnida!" (Thank you).


    There is this ad that comes on the subway car TV screens from time to time. An ice cream scoop dives lightly into a bucket of cookies and cream and creates the perfect curl of a wave. Next, a woman’s finger is dipped into the cream and circles round the rim, creating a little mote. Ice cream porn, right before my very eyes. I just saw those Summer's Eve feminine wash commercials that are airing in the states now with the talking hand pretending to be a vagina. Honestly, I’m in the wrong profession. Apparently in marketing you can just do whatever crazy ass thing pops into your head, and show it to the whole world and it’s like, cool ok. That works. Let’s do it! Genius!


    I picked a snail up off the sidewalk today to move it to the bushes. I was afraid I was going to rip its shell off the way it suctioned to the ground but eventually the whole thing popped up and I set it gently down in the dirt. I walked away feeling like I’d done a good deed for about half a second until I realized perhaps there was something very important it was trying to get to on the other side and I just set it back in progress a whole hour or two. I don’t know how fast snails move. (One site says about 0.03 mph, good lord, I'm a monster!) There I was trying to save it from getting smashed but really... wow. What an ego the human mind has. I can imagine myself just crawling along and all of a sudden, pop, I’m lifted a million snail heights into the air by an unknown force, and put back right where I started from. Monica Snail writes “FML” in snail goo on her wall over the course of 3 hours and starts off again. Reminds me of how I feel like after every hard break up. What? I gotta start back at the beginning again? Screw this. I’ll just camp out right here a while. Uh uh.  No way. You can’t make me move. Oh what's that over there? Shiny...

Mimosa Pudica

Mimosa Pudica, the sensitive plant. It's leaves turn down when it's touched as a defense mechanism. I was once compared to this plant, so we have a sort of kinship I suppose. I planted some seeds weeks ago and there was one lone survivor. None of the poppies made it, and most of my vegetables didn't make it either. Maybe that plant is stronger than it looks.

I took my little wisp of a Mimosa plant home for summer vacation today, cradling it in one arm like a baby standing on the jerky city bus. I wondered if I looked funny, taking such care a few down turned fronds sticking out from a bare sprig. The ajuma (old woman) standing next to me offered me a small black grocery bag, holding it out and open as we were stopped at a red light. I didn't want it, but you don't say no to a kind ajuma, so in the plant went. I grabbed the handles of the bag and it toppled over immediately. My heart jumped.  She rescued it then had me hold the pot as she tied the ends securing it upright. I held it carefully like this all knotted up, feeling sorry for the it all shut up in the dark. Imaging myself unwittingly being surrounded by a suffocating blackness. At the next red light she insisted on helping me put it in my tote bag, on top of my random vitamin bottles and food items.

I arrived home to find the top of the mimosa mangled, sad, far beyond its normal defeated look after having been touched. I had to take some scissors to the top with hopes of sparing the base.

Sometimes the best of intentions still backfire so tragically.

Light up, strange ones.

There is a point on the Gangnam main road, where the buses going opposite directions are right next to each other. I sat in the window, looking out, listening to my music on shuffle for a change instead of buried in a book. As bus after bus passed in front of my view I reached one conclusion: No one is happy on a rush hour bus ride. I saw sad faces, tired faces, passed out faces, zoned out faces, a large portion of which were sucked into some gadget or another. Very few books, one woman studying a paper, her lips moving with the words. And one wide-eyed woman doing the same as me, drinking it all up inside. We caught eyes and it was a lightening shock. You pass face after face and even the ones that are looking out avert their eyes. But we caught each other dead. I kept fighting the urge to pick someone to stick my tongue out at. Social rules kept me in check.

I stepped off at my bus stop to see an ad scream at me, "Light Up!" I looked down at the photo beneath it, expecting to see a pack of cigarettes. It was cereal.

Light up. If only all we needed was a box of cereal to do that.







People Are Strange just came on my shuffle. Mmm how apropos.






Photo Source

Solo Adventure to Namdaemun Market

Tonight I head out solo to finally buy the camera I've had my eye on. It's similar to the 5 year old one I have now, only better and with video capabilities. It's come time for proper video in my life.

So I hopped on subway line 9, and already there was hilarity. As I got off at my transfer point, there were so many people (Friday rush hour) that not everyone could fit on the train. I've seen videos of those white gloved men in Japan that puuuuush crowds onto the subway, but in Korea nothing of the sort that I know of. Anyway, so there were stubborn people at every doorway as I passed that clearly wouldn't fit but did not want to get off. The doors kept beeping to signal they were closing, hitting something (something big, it takes a LOT to stop those doors) and opening again. This must have happened at least 5 times, and I saw the culprits as I passed. One guy had only half his body sticking out, one woman her shopping bag, other odd limbs and items and most notably an older woman's ass. The door kept opening and closing on her ass as she tried to squeeze it in, and it wasn't big by any means.

Anyway, so I get to Namdaemun Market, check a few shops. 2 gave me fair prices, the rest thought I was a dumb foreigner and showed me a price nearly 100 bucks more and I immediately left. Decided on my place and made my purchase. An ahjussi (older man) in the camera shop sitting on a stool in the corner was like my own personal peanut gallery during the whole transaction, randomly throwing out his little bits of English:

ahjussi: "Beautiful. Tattoo."

"Thanks"

"So many. American women. Gansta."

Then as the saleman was cleaning my lens the ahjussi laughed and pointed

"Shoe shine boy," he said.

I got my receipt and headed out to try my new baby out. The road from the camera shops to the subway station is a cute outdoor market with stores on both sides and food cart restaurants? food stalls? in the middle.


I stopped at one of the food stalls to get some noodles and people watch. A western guy and a visiting married couple with him stopped in to experience eating the "live" octopus. The vendor lady grabbed the octopus from the tank and started hacking it apart in preparation much to the delight of her watchers, myself included. The married woman started squealing. After it was done and her husband was eating, she squealed some more as the chopped up tentacles writhed on his plate and hung from his mouth for a photo op. The Korean men next to them goaded him on to put down his chopsticks and just eat it with his hands.

I was eying the marvelous 1,000 won pieces of pineapple on a stick on the cart in front of me while I ate and was all set to get one when the vendor reached deep into her pants to scratch her ass. I'm not to squeamish when it comes to germs and street food, but there are some places where I draw the line. I gave my business to the lady next to her. You can see them both in the video. ;)

And there you have it. A Friday night alone and home by 10pm and I still had a great time! :D


OK wasn't going to but, went ahead and made a video! :D Enjoy!




PS: Accckkk! I spelled Namdaemun wrong in the video. Oh well.

Spring Catch-Up

So I've been a major slacker! Here are a couple outtings from the Spring. As it is past 11 and I just made yogurt and kefir after meeting with my long time no see Korean friend Anna who moved to Canada last year... what I'm saying is, I've done a lot today! :D


April 16, 2011 - Yeouido Park to see Cherry Blossoms!



A trash can fire broke out in front of one of the park's many convenience stores. This guy busted a hole in the side... maybe trying to get to the fire? But the oxygen just made it grow!


Kids coming to check it out!


Might I say, it was hilarious to see these grown men haphazardly try to put out a fire. They had no idea.


Hannah and Marcus


Some of the famed cherry blossoms.


Sarah and Hannah









April 23rd, 2011- Super Spring Adventure Hike- Yebongsan

Adventurers: KC, Alex, Me, Hannah, Chad, Brendan, and Mike












This bird just made our day.


Competition...

















It wasn't til towards the end KC thought to try and get the bird closer. Then we all wanted to redo our photos but alas the little bird was full and bored with us after a few more grabs, so no close shot for me!






















The top!!!










Some additional shots courtesy of Brendan! It's nice having another photographer around!



Vendor on the way up.










They took to calling me "flatlander" and also "Gollum" because I was the slowest and most exhausted. I blamed it on being a Floridian so I guess I was asking for it.


Whole group at the top.





The way back down.


Dr. Mulder to the rescue. Chad had a bum knee that day. and the downhill was killing him.