This old woman with sand bag titties walked by with a shirt that said “Glacial Greed Pussy.” This is the kind of shit you see from time to time in a country where people put foreign words to print and then spread those words out into the wide world without bothering to check with an English speaker. Or maybe they know exactly what they are doing and they got that old lady good. I’d really like to start manufacturing shirts of my own here. Ones that say things like “I have no idea what my shirt says.” and “I’m wearing this cus Engrish is kitcheny,” or “If you speak English, point to my left tit and laugh wildly until I look at you.” Or maybe make shirts with Korean curse words for myself and then look at people blankly when they get offended and scream Korean at me, pointing to my shirt. Then I can give a look of recognition, flash a smile and say, "Kamsahamnida!" (Thank you).
There is this ad that comes on the subway car TV screens from time to time. An ice cream scoop dives lightly into a bucket of cookies and cream and creates the perfect curl of a wave. Next, a woman’s finger is dipped into the cream and circles round the rim, creating a little mote. Ice cream porn, right before my very eyes. I just saw those Summer's Eve feminine wash commercials that are airing in the states now with the talking hand pretending to be a vagina. Honestly, I’m in the wrong profession. Apparently in marketing you can just do whatever crazy ass thing pops into your head, and show it to the whole world and it’s like, cool ok. That works. Let’s do it! Genius!
I picked a snail up off the sidewalk today to move it to the bushes. I was afraid I was going to rip its shell off the way it suctioned to the ground but eventually the whole thing popped up and I set it gently down in the dirt. I walked away feeling like I’d done a good deed for about half a second until I realized perhaps there was something very important it was trying to get to on the other side and I just set it back in progress a whole hour or two. I don’t know how fast snails move. (One site says about 0.03 mph, good lord, I'm a monster!) There I was trying to save it from getting smashed but really... wow. What an ego the human mind has. I can imagine myself just crawling along and all of a sudden, pop, I’m lifted a million snail heights into the air by an unknown force, and put back right where I started from. Monica Snail writes “FML” in snail goo on her wall over the course of 3 hours and starts off again. Reminds me of how I feel like after every hard break up. What? I gotta start back at the beginning again? Screw this. I’ll just camp out right here a while. Uh uh. No way. You can’t make me move. Oh what's that over there? Shiny...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Mimosa Pudica
Mimosa Pudica, the sensitive plant. It's leaves turn down when it's touched as a defense mechanism. I was once compared to this plant, so we have a sort of kinship I suppose. I planted some seeds weeks ago and there was one lone survivor. None of the poppies made it, and most of my vegetables didn't make it either. Maybe that plant is stronger than it looks.
I took my little wisp of a Mimosa plant home for summer vacation today, cradling it in one arm like a baby standing on the jerky city bus. I wondered if I looked funny, taking such care a few down turned fronds sticking out from a bare sprig. The ajuma (old woman) standing next to me offered me a small black grocery bag, holding it out and open as we were stopped at a red light. I didn't want it, but you don't say no to a kind ajuma, so in the plant went. I grabbed the handles of the bag and it toppled over immediately. My heart jumped. She rescued it then had me hold the pot as she tied the ends securing it upright. I held it carefully like this all knotted up, feeling sorry for the it all shut up in the dark. Imaging myself unwittingly being surrounded by a suffocating blackness. At the next red light she insisted on helping me put it in my tote bag, on top of my random vitamin bottles and food items.
I arrived home to find the top of the mimosa mangled, sad, far beyond its normal defeated look after having been touched. I had to take some scissors to the top with hopes of sparing the base.
Sometimes the best of intentions still backfire so tragically.
I took my little wisp of a Mimosa plant home for summer vacation today, cradling it in one arm like a baby standing on the jerky city bus. I wondered if I looked funny, taking such care a few down turned fronds sticking out from a bare sprig. The ajuma (old woman) standing next to me offered me a small black grocery bag, holding it out and open as we were stopped at a red light. I didn't want it, but you don't say no to a kind ajuma, so in the plant went. I grabbed the handles of the bag and it toppled over immediately. My heart jumped. She rescued it then had me hold the pot as she tied the ends securing it upright. I held it carefully like this all knotted up, feeling sorry for the it all shut up in the dark. Imaging myself unwittingly being surrounded by a suffocating blackness. At the next red light she insisted on helping me put it in my tote bag, on top of my random vitamin bottles and food items.
I arrived home to find the top of the mimosa mangled, sad, far beyond its normal defeated look after having been touched. I had to take some scissors to the top with hopes of sparing the base.
Sometimes the best of intentions still backfire so tragically.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Light up, strange ones.
There is a point on the Gangnam main road, where the buses going opposite directions are right next to each other. I sat in the window, looking out, listening to my music on shuffle for a change instead of buried in a book. As bus after bus passed in front of my view I reached one conclusion: No one is happy on a rush hour bus ride. I saw sad faces, tired faces, passed out faces, zoned out faces, a large portion of which were sucked into some gadget or another. Very few books, one woman studying a paper, her lips moving with the words. And one wide-eyed woman doing the same as me, drinking it all up inside. We caught eyes and it was a lightening shock. You pass face after face and even the ones that are looking out avert their eyes. But we caught each other dead. I kept fighting the urge to pick someone to stick my tongue out at. Social rules kept me in check.
I stepped off at my bus stop to see an ad scream at me, "Light Up!" I looked down at the photo beneath it, expecting to see a pack of cigarettes. It was cereal.
Light up. If only all we needed was a box of cereal to do that.
People Are Strange just came on my shuffle. Mmm how apropos.
Photo Source
Friday, June 17, 2011
Solo Adventure to Namdaemun Market
Tonight I head out solo to finally buy the camera I've had my eye on. It's similar to the 5 year old one I have now, only better and with video capabilities. It's come time for proper video in my life.
So I hopped on subway line 9, and already there was hilarity. As I got off at my transfer point, there were so many people (Friday rush hour) that not everyone could fit on the train. I've seen videos of those white gloved men in Japan that puuuuush crowds onto the subway, but in Korea nothing of the sort that I know of. Anyway, so there were stubborn people at every doorway as I passed that clearly wouldn't fit but did not want to get off. The doors kept beeping to signal they were closing, hitting something (something big, it takes a LOT to stop those doors) and opening again. This must have happened at least 5 times, and I saw the culprits as I passed. One guy had only half his body sticking out, one woman her shopping bag, other odd limbs and items and most notably an older woman's ass. The door kept opening and closing on her ass as she tried to squeeze it in, and it wasn't big by any means.
Anyway, so I get to Namdaemun Market, check a few shops. 2 gave me fair prices, the rest thought I was a dumb foreigner and showed me a price nearly 100 bucks more and I immediately left. Decided on my place and made my purchase. An ahjussi (older man) in the camera shop sitting on a stool in the corner was like my own personal peanut gallery during the whole transaction, randomly throwing out his little bits of English:
ahjussi: "Beautiful. Tattoo."
"Thanks"
"So many. American women. Gansta."
Then as the saleman was cleaning my lens the ahjussi laughed and pointed
"Shoe shine boy," he said.
I got my receipt and headed out to try my new baby out. The road from the camera shops to the subway station is a cute outdoor market with stores on both sides and food cart restaurants? food stalls? in the middle.
I stopped at one of the food stalls to get some noodles and people watch. A western guy and a visiting married couple with him stopped in to experience eating the "live" octopus. The vendor lady grabbed the octopus from the tank and started hacking it apart in preparation much to the delight of her watchers, myself included. The married woman started squealing. After it was done and her husband was eating, she squealed some more as the chopped up tentacles writhed on his plate and hung from his mouth for a photo op. The Korean men next to them goaded him on to put down his chopsticks and just eat it with his hands.
I was eying the marvelous 1,000 won pieces of pineapple on a stick on the cart in front of me while I ate and was all set to get one when the vendor reached deep into her pants to scratch her ass. I'm not to squeamish when it comes to germs and street food, but there are some places where I draw the line. I gave my business to the lady next to her. You can see them both in the video. ;)
And there you have it. A Friday night alone and home by 10pm and I still had a great time! :D
OK wasn't going to but, went ahead and made a video! :D Enjoy!
PS: Accckkk! I spelled Namdaemun wrong in the video. Oh well.
So I hopped on subway line 9, and already there was hilarity. As I got off at my transfer point, there were so many people (Friday rush hour) that not everyone could fit on the train. I've seen videos of those white gloved men in Japan that puuuuush crowds onto the subway, but in Korea nothing of the sort that I know of. Anyway, so there were stubborn people at every doorway as I passed that clearly wouldn't fit but did not want to get off. The doors kept beeping to signal they were closing, hitting something (something big, it takes a LOT to stop those doors) and opening again. This must have happened at least 5 times, and I saw the culprits as I passed. One guy had only half his body sticking out, one woman her shopping bag, other odd limbs and items and most notably an older woman's ass. The door kept opening and closing on her ass as she tried to squeeze it in, and it wasn't big by any means.
Anyway, so I get to Namdaemun Market, check a few shops. 2 gave me fair prices, the rest thought I was a dumb foreigner and showed me a price nearly 100 bucks more and I immediately left. Decided on my place and made my purchase. An ahjussi (older man) in the camera shop sitting on a stool in the corner was like my own personal peanut gallery during the whole transaction, randomly throwing out his little bits of English:
ahjussi: "Beautiful. Tattoo."
"Thanks"
"So many. American women. Gansta."
Then as the saleman was cleaning my lens the ahjussi laughed and pointed
"Shoe shine boy," he said.
I got my receipt and headed out to try my new baby out. The road from the camera shops to the subway station is a cute outdoor market with stores on both sides and food cart restaurants? food stalls? in the middle.
I stopped at one of the food stalls to get some noodles and people watch. A western guy and a visiting married couple with him stopped in to experience eating the "live" octopus. The vendor lady grabbed the octopus from the tank and started hacking it apart in preparation much to the delight of her watchers, myself included. The married woman started squealing. After it was done and her husband was eating, she squealed some more as the chopped up tentacles writhed on his plate and hung from his mouth for a photo op. The Korean men next to them goaded him on to put down his chopsticks and just eat it with his hands.
I was eying the marvelous 1,000 won pieces of pineapple on a stick on the cart in front of me while I ate and was all set to get one when the vendor reached deep into her pants to scratch her ass. I'm not to squeamish when it comes to germs and street food, but there are some places where I draw the line. I gave my business to the lady next to her. You can see them both in the video. ;)
And there you have it. A Friday night alone and home by 10pm and I still had a great time! :D
OK wasn't going to but, went ahead and made a video! :D Enjoy!
PS: Accckkk! I spelled Namdaemun wrong in the video. Oh well.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Spring Catch-Up
So I've been a major slacker! Here are a couple outtings from the Spring. As it is past 11 and I just made yogurt and kefir after meeting with my long time no see Korean friend Anna who moved to Canada last year... what I'm saying is, I've done a lot today! :D
April 16, 2011 - Yeouido Park to see Cherry Blossoms!
A trash can fire broke out in front of one of the park's many convenience stores. This guy busted a hole in the side... maybe trying to get to the fire? But the oxygen just made it grow!
Kids coming to check it out!
Might I say, it was hilarious to see these grown men haphazardly try to put out a fire. They had no idea.
Hannah and Marcus
Some of the famed cherry blossoms.
Sarah and Hannah
April 23rd, 2011- Super Spring Adventure Hike- Yebongsan
Adventurers: KC, Alex, Me, Hannah, Chad, Brendan, and Mike
This bird just made our day.
Competition...
It wasn't til towards the end KC thought to try and get the bird closer. Then we all wanted to redo our photos but alas the little bird was full and bored with us after a few more grabs, so no close shot for me!
The top!!!
Some additional shots courtesy of Brendan! It's nice having another photographer around!
Vendor on the way up.
They took to calling me "flatlander" and also "Gollum" because I was the slowest and most exhausted. I blamed it on being a Floridian so I guess I was asking for it.
Whole group at the top.
The way back down.
Dr. Mulder to the rescue. Chad had a bum knee that day. and the downhill was killing him.
April 16, 2011 - Yeouido Park to see Cherry Blossoms!
Kids coming to check it out!
Might I say, it was hilarious to see these grown men haphazardly try to put out a fire. They had no idea.
Hannah and Marcus
Some of the famed cherry blossoms.
Sarah and Hannah
April 23rd, 2011- Super Spring Adventure Hike- Yebongsan
Adventurers: KC, Alex, Me, Hannah, Chad, Brendan, and Mike
This bird just made our day.
Competition...
It wasn't til towards the end KC thought to try and get the bird closer. Then we all wanted to redo our photos but alas the little bird was full and bored with us after a few more grabs, so no close shot for me!
The top!!!
Some additional shots courtesy of Brendan! It's nice having another photographer around!
Vendor on the way up.
They took to calling me "flatlander" and also "Gollum" because I was the slowest and most exhausted. I blamed it on being a Floridian so I guess I was asking for it.
Whole group at the top.
The way back down.
Dr. Mulder to the rescue. Chad had a bum knee that day. and the downhill was killing him.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Nonsan Strawberry Festival
Yesterday, Hannah, Maggie, Alex and I hopped a train to the Nonsan Strawberry Festival. It was about an hour and a half train ride out of Seoul. It was a typical festival seen, tents with food vendors selling corn on a stick, fried goodies, noodles, ice cream, and so on. There were no strawberry fields nearby as we anticipated and it was 10 bucks to take a bus to pick strawberries, but you could only eat there, you weren't allowed to bring any home, so we opted out of that.
There was a strange and alarming section showing off animals in cages. Baby bears in a tiny cage, an assortment of birds, snakes, turtles, rodents, a wolf, and a donkey. The most baffling off all there were the 3 cages of house cats and the single caged area with two rabbits, a tortoise, a skunk and a monkey (which was on a very short leash). It was a pretty sorry sight...
Oh and I dressed in my strawberry skirt from a Halloween costume from 2 years ago, I couldn't resist! Maggie went themed too with her polka dot red dress and green sweater. We already got attention enough for that, but when we founded and added on the strawberry headbands, bring on the laughs, photo taking, and gawking. It was pretty funny in the festival, but in the bathroom at the train station after, I did feel a bit sheepish washing my hands with the line of waiting people's eyes on me. Oh my! haha. SO fun though!
Anyway, on with the photos!
Mushrooms!
Poor little baby bears.
Baking contest!!
Of course, cutesy characters abounded!
Entrance to a weird indoor display, underwhelming to say the least. lol.
Thanks Hannah for the shot!
Mags captured some random college students taking photos with me. hehe.
There was a little concert going on outside the festival. And by that I mean 2 old Korean men in flashy suits dancing and singing karaoke style here behind us.
There was a strange and alarming section showing off animals in cages. Baby bears in a tiny cage, an assortment of birds, snakes, turtles, rodents, a wolf, and a donkey. The most baffling off all there were the 3 cages of house cats and the single caged area with two rabbits, a tortoise, a skunk and a monkey (which was on a very short leash). It was a pretty sorry sight...
Oh and I dressed in my strawberry skirt from a Halloween costume from 2 years ago, I couldn't resist! Maggie went themed too with her polka dot red dress and green sweater. We already got attention enough for that, but when we founded and added on the strawberry headbands, bring on the laughs, photo taking, and gawking. It was pretty funny in the festival, but in the bathroom at the train station after, I did feel a bit sheepish washing my hands with the line of waiting people's eyes on me. Oh my! haha. SO fun though!
Anyway, on with the photos!
Mushrooms!
Poor little baby bears.
Baking contest!!
Of course, cutesy characters abounded!
Entrance to a weird indoor display, underwhelming to say the least. lol.
Mags captured some random college students taking photos with me. hehe.
There was a little concert going on outside the festival. And by that I mean 2 old Korean men in flashy suits dancing and singing karaoke style here behind us.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Fermented Rice Drink and a 3 legged dauschhund
I just returned home from my 2nd official week of teaching English lessons to North Koreans at the Durihana church. The first week, was pretty shaky. I came unprepared because I didn't know the levels of the students. Turns out, most were beginners but a couple had studied English a year, and one woman had studied for about 8! So it was a hard balance making it interesting for the more advanced students, but not overwhelming for the beginners. There were about 8 students that ended up coming last week, but this week, only 4 (and the last 2 45 minutes late) because there are some serious exams happening for these students right now and they were all studying.
Today, I was somewhat more prepared, having spent 2 hours in Kyobo bookstore last Sunday shifting through shelves and shelves of crappy English books. Books, books everywhere, and not one to teach. I finally settled on one I found in the kid's section, though after becoming so frustrated and bleary-eyes, I can hardly say it was the best. In any case, it works for now until I get more of a feel for what to do with the students. Hopefully going to incorporate more cultural study type things. Songs, kid books (note to self: North Koreans don't know western stories, see idiot moment bellow).
Teaching adults, you realize more than ever just how difficulty and annoying English is. I was asked about glasses being plural and all I could say was... "Maybe it's because there are 2 lenses? English is weird. I'm not sure." Wonderful teacher I am.
Idiot moment of the day: In one of the exercises the name in the sentence was Peter and a student couldn't read it properly. I said "Peter, like Peter Pan." Doh! They probably don't know Peter Pan. In South Korea yes, North Korean, no. Though the more experienced student did laugh, so maybe she knew.
After class the same woman who laughed at my Peter Pan reference, and another woman who doesn't take English class asked the South Korean TA, Suyeon, and I over to try some traditional North Korean drink called 감주 (Gamju). Suyeon used her phone dictionary to find the right words and explained that it was a fermented rice and barley drink, supposedly good for your digestion in the way yogurt is (probiotics, I'm guessing). We felt pretty excited to be experiencing a piece of a culture very few people do. It was pretty yummy, it tastes a little like rice milk with vinegar. It looks like a sweet rice drink they have here called식혜 (Sikhye) that I drink all of the time in the saunas. They seemed so pleased that I liked it they offered to give me a bottle to take home with me, and ladled some into a spare thermos. Will definitely be sharing some with friends tonight!
On the way home I wandered around my neighborhood. Having finally had my first paycheck, I went into a store where I've been eying my favorite shampoo from the states for sale. It cost the equivalent of $15, so I was out the door pretty fast. No thanks... After that I walked by the Dog & Cat grooming place that is right after my apartment. There I saw at least 5 or 6 small dogs through the window, one of which was a white poodle with ears dyed bright pink, not uncommon here. There was a darling little dauschhund hobbling around missing a front leg. I couldn't help imagining some terrible grooming mishap that left the shop the proud owners of their customer's mangled dog. Hmmm... how grotesque. I'm sure it didn't happen like that at all. I wandered past to find a little restaurant called "Green Salad" making wild claims about its "Big American Brunch" now being available. We'll see about that. On the way back, I saw the poodle taking a mondo crap right on the grooming room floor. Big French Crap...
Capoeira is treating me well. I am doing it Monday and Wednesday afternoons and practicing some on my own because truthfully, I suck. And I really hate sucking. Unfortunately capoeira is at the same time as the Korean classes I wanted to take, so dilema. Guess I'll find a tutor. Capoeira is more rare here than Korean lessons, to the question answers itself in my eyes. :)
My attempt at growing veggies in my classroom is not going well, most of the seedlings have died, save the tomatoes. It was finally warm enough to move them to the roof, so on Wednesday I did that hoping more sun would be the solution. Wonderfully after weeks inside, I moved them out just in time for Thursdays bout of toxic rain! We'll see how it goes. This might be a pipe dream I have to let go to the wayside... but I'm trying!
Tomorrow, getting to the train station with friends by 7:00 am for a strawberry festival! My first time leaving Seoul since I've been back! Can't wait.
Today, I was somewhat more prepared, having spent 2 hours in Kyobo bookstore last Sunday shifting through shelves and shelves of crappy English books. Books, books everywhere, and not one to teach. I finally settled on one I found in the kid's section, though after becoming so frustrated and bleary-eyes, I can hardly say it was the best. In any case, it works for now until I get more of a feel for what to do with the students. Hopefully going to incorporate more cultural study type things. Songs, kid books (note to self: North Koreans don't know western stories, see idiot moment bellow).
Teaching adults, you realize more than ever just how difficulty and annoying English is. I was asked about glasses being plural and all I could say was... "Maybe it's because there are 2 lenses? English is weird. I'm not sure." Wonderful teacher I am.
Idiot moment of the day: In one of the exercises the name in the sentence was Peter and a student couldn't read it properly. I said "Peter, like Peter Pan." Doh! They probably don't know Peter Pan. In South Korea yes, North Korean, no. Though the more experienced student did laugh, so maybe she knew.
After class the same woman who laughed at my Peter Pan reference, and another woman who doesn't take English class asked the South Korean TA, Suyeon, and I over to try some traditional North Korean drink called 감주 (Gamju). Suyeon used her phone dictionary to find the right words and explained that it was a fermented rice and barley drink, supposedly good for your digestion in the way yogurt is (probiotics, I'm guessing). We felt pretty excited to be experiencing a piece of a culture very few people do. It was pretty yummy, it tastes a little like rice milk with vinegar. It looks like a sweet rice drink they have here called식혜 (Sikhye) that I drink all of the time in the saunas. They seemed so pleased that I liked it they offered to give me a bottle to take home with me, and ladled some into a spare thermos. Will definitely be sharing some with friends tonight!
On the way home I wandered around my neighborhood. Having finally had my first paycheck, I went into a store where I've been eying my favorite shampoo from the states for sale. It cost the equivalent of $15, so I was out the door pretty fast. No thanks... After that I walked by the Dog & Cat grooming place that is right after my apartment. There I saw at least 5 or 6 small dogs through the window, one of which was a white poodle with ears dyed bright pink, not uncommon here. There was a darling little dauschhund hobbling around missing a front leg. I couldn't help imagining some terrible grooming mishap that left the shop the proud owners of their customer's mangled dog. Hmmm... how grotesque. I'm sure it didn't happen like that at all. I wandered past to find a little restaurant called "Green Salad" making wild claims about its "Big American Brunch" now being available. We'll see about that. On the way back, I saw the poodle taking a mondo crap right on the grooming room floor. Big French Crap...
Capoeira is treating me well. I am doing it Monday and Wednesday afternoons and practicing some on my own because truthfully, I suck. And I really hate sucking. Unfortunately capoeira is at the same time as the Korean classes I wanted to take, so dilema. Guess I'll find a tutor. Capoeira is more rare here than Korean lessons, to the question answers itself in my eyes. :)
My attempt at growing veggies in my classroom is not going well, most of the seedlings have died, save the tomatoes. It was finally warm enough to move them to the roof, so on Wednesday I did that hoping more sun would be the solution. Wonderfully after weeks inside, I moved them out just in time for Thursdays bout of toxic rain! We'll see how it goes. This might be a pipe dream I have to let go to the wayside... but I'm trying!
Tomorrow, getting to the train station with friends by 7:00 am for a strawberry festival! My first time leaving Seoul since I've been back! Can't wait.
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